One step forward

A few steps back.

I have been having this pain in my left side. It is similar to pain I had from ovarian cysts. I went to the gyno, and no cyst. So I had it last night, and it was horrendous. I was meeting a woman at the gym today, and I so wanted to cancel. The pain was the kind that makes you nauseous it is so bad. It still hurt this morning, but I persevered. I had to take Gray to school, kicking and screaming. Then, I had to drag Gray, Collin, and Ben all into school to drop Gray off. Then, I drove to the gym where I had to drag Ben and Collin into the nursery. I feel like at this time I should be nominated for sainthood. I met Christine and we worked out. I walked, did some weights, and ab stuff. Then I lugged Ben and Collin back to the van, wedged them in their car seats, and went to the car wash. I was killing time before I had to get back to school, and start the whole thing again. Now, before you congratulate me for committing to the gym, and going through all that to go let me finish. Gray did not want to go to school, so I promised him a reward if he did. Parenting mistake #1, I rewarded with food. McDonalds. I have to say after all that, the last thing I felt like doing was making lunch. So, drive thru we did. I got the 2 cheeseburger meal for Gray and I to share, and a chicken nugget meal for the other two. I ate some fries, and one burger minus most of the bun. Not too bad right. Well, let me finish. I went to a sewing class tonight, and learned to make an apron. By the time class was over I was hungry. I drove thru again. You read it right, twice in one day. I got a beefy cheesy melt from taco bell. That little devil has over 500 calories in it. I have no idea how they get so many calories in such a little package. Okay, I only ate one cheeseburger, and one burrito. It could have been worse. I logged what I ate, and I am moving on. I just wonder why I sabotage myself. I should feel good right now, no sick from a cheesy, beefy melt. That was actually as gross as it sounds. Twice in one day is something I rarely did before surgery. It may be hard to believe, but we didn't eat fast food very often. I know the whole fast food thing is a slippery slope, but it isn't so much my weakness. The thing I realized today, is it isn't even a particular food that is my downfall, but the amount I want to eat. One cheeseburger doesn't soothe me, I want to binge. I want to eat massive amounts of food. That is what I need to deal with.