I am disgusted with myself

I am just letting all of my bad habits come back in to play. I know if I eat an entire sleeve of thin mints I will dump, but not if I eat two. That means two every time I go into the kitchen. That adds up quickly. Don't even ask why I have the thin mints, I had wls, Chris didn't. His skinny ass can have them. Of course I am the one eating them. I am constantly stretching the limits of what I am eating, and bending the rules. This means I feel bad a lot. Right now I am physically ill from eating chicken salad. Not that I can't have that, but I ate too much and I knew it. I am not working out. I thought I would have more energy, but I don't. I thought I was so low energy because of my weight, but it turns out I am just lazy. I have always had an inability to make myself to do what I don't want to, like school. I haven't been careful about making sure I don't drink a half hour before or after eating. I don't drink when I eat, but I don't watch the clock anymore either. I would call the nutritionist at new start, but I have to say I have not found them at all helpful in the past. I am on my own with my bad habits, my addiction. I graze, which is the fastest way to fuck up a gastric bypass. The thing is, if I am doing all these things before I am six months out, what will I do at four years out. Weigh more then I did when I got the flippin sugregy would be my guess. I am writing this as a way to put it out there. I am owing up to my recent failings in hopes that I can make the changes. I need to be accountable for my bad choices, I need to acknowledge them and change them. I know I would feel so much better if I would eat the way I should, and after a couple weeks of not, I am tired of feeling so bad all the time. Okay, no more feeling sorry for myself, time to make changes. I am going to acknowledge and move forward. I hope. No I am by saying I hope I am giving myself permission to fail. I know I am going to make mistakes, but I need to move past them. I have given up every diet I have ever been on after a couple of off days, but I can't give this up. My insides are permanantly rearranged. It would be a sin to go through all this, and still be fat.