Rewards?

Today I had to go to the gyno. I hate going. Not that anyone likes going. I hate it like, dread, nausea, cancel three appointments, need a xanax hate it. I detest it. It makes me a nervous wreck to go to any doctor, but this one takes the cake. To make it more panic inducing I was going to a new doctor. I hadn't been in a couple years, since my last doctor retired. Well, the good news is I went, only having canceled one appointment. I won't give you details, other than the doctor was very nice, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. After the ordeal was over, I decided to reward myself. I spied a Jack in the Box in a plaza across the street and the little light bulb went off. Tacos. Tacos with the buttermilk ranch sauce to dip them in. I know a girl that calls the sauce fat girl crack. She is right. It is so good. I drove over and waited in a long line to order my two .99 cent tacos and small container of crack. I got the tacos and pulled into a nearby parking space to enjoy my "reward". I ain't gonna lie. It was good. No, not good. It was better than good. It was a sheer delight to have those two greasy, mystery meat filled deep fried friends back in my life. My question is this, why do I put something that is in no way good for me as a reward? There was the possibility that those two spicy, crunchy, gooey, pockets of flavor would have made my very ill. I didn't care. I deserved it. I endured the doctor. What did I deserve, the fat? the calories? the artery clogging trans fat filled oil? How is that a reward. More importantly, what can I do to change the fact that I consider sitting in a car, in a parking lot eating tacos a reward? Why can't going to the gym and doing something that will improve my life a reward? What is so rewarding about putting my health in jeopardy. I may sound dramatic, it was after all only 2 tacos. I mean before surgery it would have been 6. That doesn't change that I stand a huge chance of gaining weight back, or not losing all of it, if I don't change that flawed thinking. Those actions are what makes me an addict.