But, what if I fail

Before my surgery, I was convinced that this was it. I was going to be thin. Not just for a while, but forever. Then, about as fast as my incisions healed I was struck by the fear. The fear that people would see me lose this weight. That they would say how good I looked, and be amazed with this new person. Then, they would stand by in horror as the weight crept back on. It happens, a lot more than anyone will admit. I have never been successful with a diet, so I don't know what it is like to be thin and gain it back. I do know that there are some people who root for you to fail, it makes them feel better. I think if I fail at this I will have to move to Alaska. It should be far enough away to hide my shame. Plus, cold weather=big clothes. Maybe, I could have a commune there with all the other wls people who would like to hide their "shame". I am always afraid that I am doing this wrong, that I eat to much. That I will stretch my pouch. I fear discovering I can tolerate sugar, and high fat foods. I can only hope the fear will be enough to keep me in line. If not maybe the support groups will. It is a scary thing. I would always prefer to not do something rather than to do it and not be the best. I want to be a wls success story, not horror story. There are other ways to fail at this. I could go the other way, and not eat. Become so obsessed that I starve myself. The sad thing is people would see that as a success. At least on the outside.